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  • Writer's pictureRonni and Jennie

How Do You Ask for More?

Many of us who are healing from trauma have learned to just take what we get. Our needs were "too much," or our caregivers/parents flipped the script and we had to meet their needs instead. Or, the abuse we endured left us feeling unworthy. Under these circumstances, how can we possibly feel safe asking for more?

Instead, many times we settle for what we are offered. We don't want to risk losing a job if we ask for a higher wage. We are worry that our partner will leave if we ask them to show their love in a way that is more meaningful to us, or we tell them that we need more time alone.

At the core of this reluctance to ask for what we want is fear--fear that we will be rejected, or abandoned. It's a perfectly natural fear, given our past experiences. But daring to ask for more is critical to living a full life. This means that as we heal, we must not only rebuild our confidence and sense of self-worth, we must also cultivate the ability to be vulnerable again--to keep asking, until we receive the response we desire. Until we have exactly what we need. (For more on this topic, see our April 20, 2024 podcast).

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